What To Do Now

Had a doctors appointment late this afternoon and like normal I left a lot more frustrated then I walked in. The doctor has his mind set on me returning to the MAOI antidepressant class and he is willing to wait a good number of months until my dental work is complete of course this is easy for him to do as he does not have to live in this chaos that I call life.

He asked what I am going to do to change the situation and my frustration towards the therapeutic community in this city came flying through. The doctor said therapy would be a waste of time because in his words "I am too borderline". His theory is that once the therapist says something that I do no like that I would stop listening and would end up fighting against the professional. Which is a complete load of garbage but my doctor deemed me untreatable a long time ago and nothing is going to change his opinion.

The bright idea that the doctor came up with is I need to get involved in some sort of job or volunteer capacity that would not allow me the opportunity to think. I responded that the work I want to do is what I use to which is social work and the brilliant doctor responded as long as I could concentrate on the other persons emotions and not my own their should not be an issue. Neat trick walk into a situation that caters to young people whose life stories are very similar to my own and not be triggered, this suggestion is not only dangerous for me but for anyone who happens to cross my path as the main issues behind my illness have not been dealt with to a level where they are no longer a factor.

So why is he still my doctor? The simple answer is I need the prescriptions for Seroquel and Temazapam for some kind of order in my life and if I fire him I then have to go on a waiting list for another doctor which could be a very long time. Also every doctor in the city works out of the same office so not much point. He actually said I should stop any behavior which would lead to me thinking about the mess in my head which means this blog is history plus the numerous forums that I participate on which is essentially my support system. Doctors. Take care.