Suicide

Suicide has popped back up into the landscape of my family as someone who is connected at a distance made the choice to take his own life. I hate talking about suicide and there are a couple of reasons for this: A) Suicide is a reality in my life and when you look at the statistics I am definitely in the at risk group. B) Part of my illness is the constant suicide ideation which is pretty much a daily occurrence and has been for a long time so I spend a lot of time trying not to think about it. That being said this is a topic that really needs to be brought more out in the open as the numbers of people taking this route off the planet is not getting any smaller.

For a lot of people who deal with mental health issues suicide may be a step away. One major event or one major loss may be all it takes to make the ultimate decision. Through the years I have gone down the list of the thousand reasons not to end my own life and I am down to one that I am not able to justify. Thankfully that one reason will keep me going for a very long time and it is I am not willing to drop that bomb on my child as I know the rate of suicide is substantially higher for people whose parents took their own life plus the damage it can do to a persons psyche will follow them around for a very long time to come.

Hope also keeps me going and at times makes this battle with the demon a little bit easier. The belief that tomorrow may be a better day and I need to be part of this life to find out.

A while back on a health forum someone asked why people with specific mental illnesses talk about suicide so often and are almost joyful when they do so. The simple answer is suicide seems like the best answer to make the pain stop and to stop the tornado that is ripping through their soul. Suicide is not about giving up it is about making the pain stop but unfortunately it is a decision that has permanent consequences.

When suicide becomes the best option it is a clear indicator it is time to hand over the reins of your life to someone else for awhile. Visits to the psych ward are not exactly fun filled events but if the trip is going to help you get your life back then it is well worth the effort.

The things that mean the most to us are those that we worked the hardest for. Life is full of ups and downs but it is the downs that make us appreciate the ups. Like I said earlier tomorrow may be a better day but you need to be apart of this world to experience it. Take care.

SUICIDE HOTLINES

ps - I do apologize for this post being all over a place but as I mentioned this is a topic I normally try to believe does not exist.