June Mental Health Report

I should be sleeping at the moment but I have hesitated taking my pills. Don't tell the doctor but after spending the day lost in the Seroquel fog my brain taking off at full speed is a rather joyous occasion. Anyway I have an appointment early next week so I might as well get this month's report ready. I wrote up last month but never gave it to him as he pissed me off the month before so I decided I was not going to cooperate and shot myself in the foot at the same time ....

Medication -
Morning (roughly 12pm)- 100mg of Seroquel
Afternoon (4pm) - 50mg of Seroquel - this is suppose to be as needed and apparently I need it everyday at 4pm
Supper/Dinner (call it what you want)somewhere between 6pm and 7pm - 100mg of Seroquel
Bedtime (normally I take it around 11:00pm unless something is good on TV) 100mg of Seroquel + 30mg of Temazaepam. It takes roughly an hour and a half to kick in.

Weight -
I think it is lower then it was a month ago but I don't have a working scale but I did have to add a new hole to the belt in the last week or so

Exercise -
Normally three or four times a week for about thirty to forty minutes a session. Have not gone longer then two days without exercising for the month of June so that is a good thing.

Moods -
All over the bloody map. When the depression shows up I am basically getting my ass kicked and there is no nicer way to put it. Seems to be following a weird pattern of about four days of darkness and then one good day of sunshine so I can remember what I am suppose to feel like and then a slide back down for another four days or so. More then a few times this month I longed for the wonderful effects of Effexor or one of his/her/? buddies.

Thought Patterns -
A) Paranoia - For no reason whatsoever I keep getting this feeling that everyone is watching or spying on me which leads to me not leaving the house some days. *On a side note I get it with this blog that there is a huge conspiracy in the works to shut me down or to rip down the blinds so my true identity is known. Irrational thought? You bet it is but a pain in the ass all the same. This is a side note for the doctor to my knowledge does not know this blog exists so this little blurb and anything else related to this site will not be in the written report*
B) Self Destructive - Nothing new here just the same impulses to make a bad situation even worse.
C) The lower I feel the stronger and longer lasting the irrational thoughts are but again no surprise
D) Suicidal thoughts are still present, no better no worse then the last few months

Self Harm -
I am incident free but the temptations and urges are still not decreasing as fast as I hope they would. Dreamed about it a couple of weeks ago and woke up with scratches all over my forearms. The dream was about getting all of the bad out of me so that I would be good or something along those lines

Sleep -
I average over ten hours a night. Tried to get under a better routine so I set the alarm and slept for eight hours or so for two nights in a row which led to a rather unpleasant couple of days. Body responded by sleeping for over twelve hours the few days that followed.

Overall -
To be completely honest it is getting to be difficult to tell one month apart from the next. Nothing seems to change and for the most part June was a carbon copy of May. Have been really trying to focus more on the long term but for whatever the reason it is just not happening as all of my attention seems to be on today and I will deal with tomorrow when it gets here.

Well there is June's rough report and this type of thing my doctor does appreciate as apparently I am not a very good talker and on top of that when the wrong mood or thought strikes all you will get out of me is name, rank and serial number. Take care.