The Big Piece Of The Puzzle

If I was on the perfect combination of medication, been treated by a world class therapy and had access to every single tool out there would mean absolutely nothing if I did not truly want to change. My poor mom is in this battle with the belief if she showers me with enough love, support and encouragement then she will be able to "save" me from mental illness but unfortunately even though her efforts have helped a great deal in the end the only person who can save me is me.

I get letters from people asking how to fix their love ones and not understanding why with all of the effort they have put forward the situation really has not changed. I wish I could reply with a solution that would solve all of their difficulties but the truth is there is no simple answer but what I do know if the person who is unwell has no real desire to get to a better place then nothing is going to happen. This blog and pretty much my counseling career is pretty much conducted in the same way which is I drop a lot of information from my perspective and hope the person uses it to seek out similarities in their own life which will hopefully lead them to a better place. I don't want to tell someone what to do but I want to leave them questioning their own position which may lead them to a conclusion that they may not have realized before.

I would imagine most "healthy" people would think that people would fight with every being in their body to get to a better place but this is really not accurate. For some of us we have been swimming in the sea of chaos for so long this is what is normal to us and a place of peace and calm looks pretty scary from our perspective for we know what to do to survive in our world and the other world would require a hell of a lot of work of adjusting and basically having to rewire our brains to fit in. I analyze every situation down to the smallest particle trying to figure out if it is safe and then how I am suppose to react and this is normal to me as I just do it at this point with no effort what so ever. Asking me to stop this behavior is a lot easier said then done I guess it would be like telling someone from now on every time you use a restroom you are no longer suppose to flush the toilet (sorry it is late and my brain is not working at full capacity hence the lame comparison).

People hitting bottom is a pretty common occurrence for people starting the process of change but I can tell you from personal experience it tends to take more then one rude awakening for the true intent to change to come forward. The scary part is some of these bottoms have the capability of killing you, snapping back to reality after a self harm session in which I blacked out was a pretty nasty lesson but the good intentions I had following only kept the razor away for a couple of months.

(will continue tomorrow)
take care