The Ups And Downs

I can handle being depressed and I can handle being borderline manic what I have problems with is what lies in between. One second I am king of the world and the next moment I am struggling for air. It is not knowing what is going to strike next and the fear that the happiness is going to be brief and the depression is going to last forever. I told my doctor once that I would take being depressed for the rest of my life if it got rid of the ups and downs the cycling of moods and I meant every word.

There is no reason why I should be depressed right now and there is no moment that I can point to that would trigger the overwhelming feeling of darkness for all I did was wake up a couple of days ago with the monster sitting on the edge of my bed. There is a part of my mind that believes that every positive moment has to be paid for with time spent on the other side of the scale. Irrational or rational this belief is I have no idea it is just the way it seems to work out.

So I am back in the place that I know all to well and it is time once again to fight for my so called life. The scary part is this is the part of the field I prefer to play in for all that is left is up and I seem to be at my best when I am fighting for my sanity. It is at this point that you do not think about recovery your just fighting for tomorrow. Take care

Get the Free stuff from Qualityhealth.com. Coupons, Discounts, samples and special offers products, including Free Samples

4 comments:

Anonymous Drifter said...

I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm in the trenches all the time and am familiar with the darkness.

Anonymous said...

I also am familiar with depression. I think that I know what you are going through. What helps me is knowing that there is an eventual end and then the good (normal?!) feelings will return. So far I am staying on meds helps!

Immi said...

I can relate to the concept Terry. I get lost in the middle too. Part of it for me is waiting for one or another shoe to fall when I'm in the middle. I hope you feel... shoot... where and what you want... soon.

Untreatableonline said...

I am not sure if I actually believe that one day I am going to be officially happy and on most days other than a few landmark events I am not sure I have experience happiness on a long term basis. I am comfortable down in the dumps for the simple reason being this is where I have spent the majority of my life and I have become use to it. Just tired of seeing a glimpse of the sun before being dragged back off to the darkness of whatever. thanks for commenting.