Untreatable Online Blog

Today was the day where I went into CMHA and had my assessment meeting done and it went a lot better than previous experiences with this type of interview. The CMHA assessment is a lot more in depth than other agencies that I have involved with and I tried to be as honest as possible. Part of the problems I have in assessment meetings is it can be difficult to describe what you are going through when it comes to mental illness. I found that I explained a lot of my situation is that it is normal to me such as suicidal ideation, thoughts of self harm, depressive thinking, anxiety and the list goes on but the nice lady doing the interview seemed to understand what I was trying to say. It is scary what someone can get use to.

Now it is a waiting game. Unfortunately with my experiences with other agencies who promised me all of the help in the world than stuck me at the bottom of a waiting list or seemed to lose my file there is a part of me that will not mentally commit to this new help resource until I am told that I am on board.

The lady asked what I would do if I found myself in a very bad place and I admitted that I would not go to the hospital nor would I call the local crisis line but would resort to the old habit of self harm to solve the situation, this is not the answer that she wanted to hear but it is the truth. Even though it has been quite some time since I have engage in self harm behavior (Nov 08) it was a little bit disheartening to hear the words come out of my mouth.

The best part about today's meeting is that I was treated like a person and not a mental disorder which means more to me than pretty much everything else. Take care